If Only I Knew
by MioneAngel
Summary: Lily Evans looks like your average goodytwoshoes on the surface, so why would James Potter, troublemaker extraordinaire, fall for her? What if James saw a side of Lily that she rarely let anyone see? Get ready to see Lily teach James a few lessons...
1. One Cold, Dark December Night

One dark, cold December night, James Potter left the Gryffindor common room with his favorite comrade in arms: his Invisibility Cloak. Ironically, Sirius was sick as a dog unfortunately, so he was stuck in bed. He'd been released from the hospital wing earlier that very day. However, despite his illness, he claimed that he would die of hunger. James knew he'd only throw the food up right after he ate it, but he was a good, loyal friend and decided to go get a mini-feast for Sirius.

As James quietly tip-toed down the staircase, he realized that he was not alone in sneaking down the stairway. Lily Evans, the red-headed girl that always made him and Sirius look like complete morons in Charms, was slowly but surely making her own way to the corridor below. Although they were both third-year Gryffindors, he didn't know her that well. The last time he'd seen her was at lunch. She'd scolded a sixth year Slytherin trying to scare a first year by telling him horrible tales of what happened to first years who did not do come at his every beck and call, ready and willing to serve. The Slytherin, in turn, spat "Filthy Mudblood" and threw a rather nasty hex at her. Luckily she dove out of the way in the nick of time, but it was clear that the Slytherin had won that particular encounter. He flashed her a sickening smile that showed off all of his yellowing crooked teeth. Everyone standing around knew that Lily felt infuriated upon witnessing the transformation of her usually pale face into a fiery red that matched her hair. Her fists balled up, and she stormed out of the Great Hall. James had felt compassion for her really. She'd stood up for what she believed in, but she just couldn't compete with such a beast.

As he continued down the stairs, he decided that maybe it'd be more fun if he figured out what Lily was up to roaming around Hogwarts after hours. He knew Sirius would forgive him for investigating such a curious occurrence. Without further ado, he let Miss Evans pass him on the stairs and became merely an observer as she looked around quickly and took out her wand. As if in a hurry, she scampered over to the nearest broom closet, pointed at the door, and whispered an incantation that James had never heard before. Curiously, James analyzed the scene. Hearing a noise that sounded like people coming up the staircase that led to the dungeons, Lily fled into the nearest classroom and cracked the door open. Luckily, James had been (literally) two steps ahead of her. In a desperate attempt to see what was going on outside of the room, he looked over her (which was fairly easy given their height difference). As he watched a big, burly Slytherin escort a rather unfortunate looking girl into the broom cupboard, he couldn't help but notice that Lily smelt absolutely wonderful. He typically didn't care for flowery scents, but hers was just divine in his opinion. Snapping back to his senses, he watched as the door to the broom cupboard latched closed. Suddenly, a shrieking sound that violated the ears more than a Howler reached his ears. Then, he heard two sets of fists pounding on the broom closet's door. Lily let out a quiet little giggle, and James fought to keep his ribs from breaking under the pressure of his suppressed laughter. He could not believe that Lily Evans, THE goody-two-shoes of his year, had just pulled off a prank that could easily rival one of James and Sirius's best. He then made a mental note to never mess with Lily Evans. As Filch approached the broom closet's door yelling numerous methods of punishment for such delinquents, Lily moved towards the back of the room and sat deep in the shadows, leaving almost no chance of her ever being caught. James, seeing that she would clearly get away from this unscathed (for no Slytherin would believe Lily capable of carrying out such a brilliant prank) snuck out of the room under the guise of his trustworthy cloak. This time, he had to use all of his control to not pee in his pajamas as he snuck by a furious Filch reprimanding the two Slytherins who had merely left their common room for a good snog in his usual spot. The ugly girl was crying, while the revolting boy was clearly extremely angry. The scene was just hysterical.

As James reflected on the events of that night, he tickled the pear in the painting that led to the kitchen and the house-elves that knew him by name. The house-elves did their best to fill James's arms with everything that Sirius loved about Hogwarts food and more. Finally, after completing the mission that Sirius had set him out to do, he silently made his way back to the Gryffindor common room. After giving the Fat Lady the password ("Gillyweed"), he made his way towards the third year boys' dormitory. Upon seeing Sirius, he realized that he did not really want to tell Sirius all that he had seen concerning Lily's marvelous prank. "It took you long enough!" Sirius exclaimed. James just smirked and dug into the grub he had rummaged up. Three minutes later, Sirius was projectile vomiting all over the room, just as James had predicted.


	2. And So Fifth Year Began

James Potter slid open the compartment door and waltzed in, finally sitting himself across from Sirius with his typical smirk plastered onto his face. "So, mate, are you ready for some crazy adventure?" Sirius questioned with a cocky grin.

James contemplated the inquiry for a few seconds and replied, "Well, there's still a good week until the full moon. Can you wait that long?"

"Why wait? Lupin will be busy with Prefect's duties, so he won't be around to chaperone us and give us any lectures. It's the ideal opportunity! We can finally blow up Moaning Myrtle's toilet, eat in the kitchens at all hours, and sneak into Hogsmeade for some Dungbombs!" Sirius obviously was a tad bit excited about the prospects for the year.

"Well, where's Peter? I think he'd want to be in on this." James always had to look out for Peter. He needed lots of help… with everything from coordinating outfits to doing his homework. He wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

"I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't even really care! I'm just glad that for once he's not busy kissing your arse!"

"Now, Padfoot, that's not fair! It's not MY fault that my bum seems so appealing to so many people!"

"Yeah, true, but that Lily Evans seems immune to your bum's charms. In fact, I think she thinks you are an arse. Wait, that or you should shove something up your arse!" Sirius said, batting his eyelashes coquettishly.

"Ha…Ha… Ha… NOT FUNNY! No, I think that deep, deep down, in the depths of her soul, Lily Evans loves me with a love so pure and desperate that she has to put on this ridiculous façade of hatred to keep herself from jumping my bones. Seriously, where would we be if that happened? We'd never get that deep connection that she longs for so desperately."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, and smartly replied, "Oh, of course she does. She just doesn't know it yet!"

James, seeming to think that Sirius finally grasped the concept while remaining oblivious to Sirius's biting sarcasm, exclaimed, "EXACTLY!"

Sirius began laughing heartily at his friend's obvious delusions when he caught a glimpse of light reflecting off of long, flowing red-hair. His eyes bugged out of their sockets, and he shot James a meaningful look as if to say, "SHUT UP NOW!" However, James remained in the dark and continued to rant. "In five years, when we have three children, who all look as gorgeous as me, and she's making me dinner in our kitchen while I lounge around reading the Daily Prophet, she'll appreciate me. As she looks around the dinner table and sees our red-headed offspring, then, only then, will Lily Evans begin to explore the unfathomable depths of her true attraction to me."

Suddenly, the silence that had followed his brief soliloquy was filled with raucous laughter that seemed nothing short of loud and mocking, all coming from a short, fiery little red-head whose face now matched her hair. Grasping her side while she tried to catch her breath, she looked up at James, her eyes filled with tears from laughing so boisterously. "Oh, Potter, you wish that I would fall for you so badly, don't you? However, I regret to inform that I appear to be the only girl at Hogwarts with a good head full of sense on my shoulders. Thank Merlin I was born immune to your childish egotism and unruly hair. While most girls may find that irresistible, I find it rather… hmmm… nauseating."

"What, do I make you love-sick, dear? You know when you said 'nauseating,' what you really meant to say was, 'undeniably enticing'," James replied, smiling sweetly, strategically tousling his hair.

Lily innocently snapped, "Oh, look at Narcissus worshipping himself in his self-erected temple, yet again. Shocker!"

James gave her a confused look and dumbly stated, "I am not! Wait, what does that mean?"

Losing her patience with James, Lily exclaimed, "Look it up you troglodytic MORON!"

Barks of laughter and pure glee erupted from Sirius's side of the compartment. This was just too much entertainment for him to bear in silence. At that moment, Lupin entered the compartment. Lily turned and noted his presence saying, "I came by to get you to see if you wanted to discuss our patrolling schedule, but then I ran into these imbeciles and just couldn't contain my joy any longer, so we had a little chat. Isn't that how it went, James?"

"Right, sure, one of the best conversations I've ever had," James arrogantly retorted, trying to regain some of his lost pride.

"Mm hm. Well, I'd best be off. Remus, if you'd like to accompany me, we can nail out our schedule for the next few weeks. I'll see you clowns later," she said glancing at Sirius and James.

"Always a pleasure, Miss E.!" Sirius harmoniously countered. Remus and Lily then left the compartment. Lupin shot them a pleading glance as if to apologize for the assault they had just endured and to say he'd be back shortly.

"Seriously, where is Peter?" James cried exasperatedly.

Sirius studied James for a second. "Why? Looking for an ego-boost after Evans verbally beat you to a pulp?"

As if on cue, Peter stumbled into the compartment, tripping on his trainers' laces. Red-faced and gasping for air, he wheezed, "Hey. Sorry I'm late. Snape cornered me, and I didn't know what to do, so I tried to hex him. That didn't go to well." Right then, five humongous bubbles erupted from his right ear, shooting at James.

"I guess that explains your bubbly personality today!" Sirius condescendingly sniggered. James shot him an evil glare.

"What did he try to do to you?" James asked concernedly.

Peter ashamedly examined his hands lying in his lap. "WELL, WHAT!" Sirius growled. Peter looked up, still not meeting their inquiring eyes, and went on, mumbling, to tell his tale…


	3. War and Peace?

"Well, you see, I was only looking out for you, James, since you're my best friend in the whole wide world. I had heard this rumor that Lily Evans was dating someone, and I wanted so desperately to know how you could win Lily over, so I figured that the best way to do that would be to consult her friend, Holly, since she's a seer and all, of course," Peter began.

"Holly Who-Now?" asked James.

Sirius passionately explained, "Holly HAWLEY, the girl with turbulent blue eyes like the sea on a stormy day and long chestnut locks that shine like the brightest sun which my world revolves around!" Sirius dreamily stared out the window, grasped the fabric of his robes covering his heart, and let out a deep dramatic sigh, full of longing.

James, quite puzzled, thought for a second and then questioned, "You mean that girl that we sit next to in Potions?"

"The very same," Sirius replied.

"Oh, so I guess that explains a lot. THAT'S why you picked that spot! You FANCY her!" James chuckled.

"What! I never said that! In fact, she's too tall. I can barely read her answers over her shoulder!" Sirius retorted.

"OK. Whatever. Peter, continue."

Peter, glaring resentfully at Sirius, continued. "As I was saying, I went to talk with Holly in order to get the information necessary to get Lily to like you." Peter's face turned up hopefully to gage James's reaction to his noble endeavors. "I decided that I should just ask her, flat-out, what you should do to insure Lily's affection." Allowing enough time to receive a reaction from James, Peter took in a drawn-out breath.

"AND…?" James yelled exasperatedly as he reached out to grab Peter by the collar. Then, as if realizing how overly zealous he appeared, James dropped Peter, brushed lint off his shoulders, struck a nonchalant pose, and tried again. "Uh, I mean, yeah. So then what happened? Not that I care or anything, but I do. Just not that much."

"Right, Cleopatra," Sirius said, deviously mocking James.

"Excuse me. Do I look like a girl? I'm not the Queen of the Nile OR the Queen of Denial!" James exclaimed.

Peter, confused, asked, "What are you guys even talking about? James isn't a girl, and he's not from Russia either!"

Sirius, rolling his eyes, simply stated, "Peter, keep telling your story, and don't stray from the topic. Intelligent banter doesn't become you."

Peter shrugged and said, "Right you are!" Sirius simply sniggered as Peter dug his own grave.

James, frustrated beyond comparison, finally exclaimed, "GET ON WITH THE STORY, PETER! I mean, continue, old chap!"

Peter, shocked, hurriedly appeased James. Leaning in, conspiratorially, Peter whispered, "So, Holly told me, after much persuasion, under the utmost secrecy, that Lily is IN FACT already dating Severus Snape!" Remember that grave Peter just dug himself? Yeah, well, now he's buried himself in it. James gasped in horror while Sirius giggled uncontrollably.

James, sounding as if he was being suffocated or choked, finally managed to inquire, "Lily? With SEVERUS SNAPE! How is that possible?"

Peter knowingly patted James on the shoulder and simply said, "A wise person once said, 'Love is blind.'"

Sirius, noting the gravity of the circumstances in the eyes of his fellows, tried to handle the volatile situation delicately. "This is true, but do you honestly think that love is blind, deaf, AND devoid of any semblance of reason or logic? Look, Lily may be dating someone, but I would be willing to bet my secret stash of Zonko's goods that Lily is NOT dating Snape. Seriously, that's just insane. He calls her Mudblood almost every time he sees her. That doesn't exactly turn a girl on."

"You're RIGHT!" yelled James, jumping up onto the seat.

"Hold up, lover boy. Just wait for Peter to finish his story, and THEN you can go galloping in on your white horse… or your broomstick, whichever you prefer," Sirius reasoned.

Peter opened his mouth to continue his tale when eight rather large purple bubbles (smelling strongly of essence of lavender) erupted from his mouth, and James and Sirius burst into giggles as the bubbles popped. After the momentary distraction, Peter began, yet again, boasting, "So, I decided that I would not stand for Snivellus taking my friend's woman. I marched right up to him and demanded a duel." At this moment, Peter took in a gasp of breath and puffed his chest up in an attempt to mirror George Washington crossing the Delaware, but succeeding in resembling only a sketchy soufflé. Sirius disguised his subsequent laughter as a coughing fit.

James eagerly pressed on. "What happened after you challenged Snivellus?"

Peter, slightly abashed, began to deflate. "Snape implied that I really wasn't up to his standard, so he point-blank refused to give me the time of day. Of course, I was rather offended, so I called him a coward, in front of all of his Slytherin gang. I pulled out my wand, and before I could even begin to mutter a single hex, Snape had me floating in the air, upside down so my underwear were showing."

"So, what day of the week is it, Peter? Or did you forget to change your days-of-the-week underpants?" Sirius inquired.

Peter, blushing profusely, continued as if he hadn't heard a word Sirius said. "He ended up stuffing me into an empty trunk and closing it. I wasn't strong enough to lift the lid, but the next thing I knew, Lily Evans was letting me out of the trunk. She must've heard my muffled screams… or seen a bubble. Then, she walked in exactly the same direction Snivellus had gone but not two minutes before. So, you know what THAT means, don't you?"

"Lily Evans was following Snape into the back of the train so that she could run her hands through his greasy hair while snogging him senseless?" Sirius asked jokingly. "Ew, wait, that's not a pretty mental picture," he added as an afterthought, displaying a look of pure revulsion.

James, who until now was frozen on his station atop the seat, sprang into action, drawing his wand heroically from his robes. "There is no way on earth that Lily would ever do any such thing! She KNOWS that so much grease applied to skin could suffocate it! Plus, she's saving herself for ME and me alone!"

"Sure, Romeo. Look, James, it does seem that Peter did kind of ask for it. I mean, he went up to Snivellus and called him a coward in front of all his cronies. That's like ripping his balls off and feeding them to his toad!" Sirius exclaimed.

"But I don't have a toad! And, Snape is going out with James's true love!" Peter retorted defensively.

"Well, she's my true love, but I'm apparently not hers. However, I still don't think that she would go after Snivellus. He's really not her type. Now, if she were going out with a stand-out guy who appears to have it all, like… say… Archy, then that would make more sense," James reasoned as he glanced out the compartment window to see the source of his inspiration, Archimedes Hand. "I have to help her out. I know that she doesn't exactly reciprocate my love and affection, but I should at least be willing to be her friend. A friend would most willingly protect her from this kind of… EVIL! If you guys are really my friends, which you have definitely proven yourselves to be, you'll help me help her."

Sirius, rather reluctant, saw his friends pleading eyes begging him for some semblance of mercy, and relented. "Mate, you just have to remember that she's not yours to defend all the time. You know that ticks her off more than anything, but if you realize that, then I'm in." Peter frantically nodded in agreement, trying to quell a bubble escaping from his left nostril, and in unison, they all took a step towards the compartment door…

A/N to reader: Sirius is calling James Cleopatra because she is not-so-fondly known as the "Queen of the Nile"… "Queen of DE-NIAL"… He and James appreciated puns of all sorts, especially cleverly funny ones.


	4. Just a Little Game of Tonsil Hockey

Once they were outside their compartment, James paused, and in a manner similar to Bond, James Bond, he said, "Be on your guard now, wands at the ready. Stay close to me."

Peter following meekly behind questioned, "James, don't you think that maybe we should use the invisibil-"

"No," James announced, holding up his right hand, "this time, it's personal. We do this face-to-face."

"Oh!" exclaimed Sirius in an explicitly sarcastic tone. "So that's why this is so different from all of the other times!" James simply glared at his best friend as they continued on their path towards Snape's compartment. When they reached the door of the compartment, James took control, opening the door and talking directly to his arch-nemesis, Severus Snape.

"Snivellus, I'd like a word. Could you risk five minutes alone with me and send your little entourage outside?" James inquired.

"Here's a word. In fact, here are nine words: Get the bloody hell out of my compartment… NOW!" Snape boomed. Seeing Snape's glaring red eyes and frightening scowl, Peter slightly shifted his weight so that James was blocking him from Snape's view. He hadn't forgotten his days-of-the-week underwear or his lavender-scented air fresheners.

"Seriously, are you just afraid to give me a moment of your time in which you won't have your posse to back you up? I would think that since you and Lily are always calling me arrogant, pig-headed, proud, narcissistic, blah, blah, blah, you'd be willing to let me attack so that you could rightly put me in my place and deflate my, as you so callously put it, 'enormously gigantic ego.'"

Snape seemed to ponder this, stroking his rather pitiful attempt at a goatee. "Well, 'Potty Pot,' I would love a chance to teach you a lesson or two, maybe even three, so I will acquiesce." At this moment, Snape motioned his crew to the door, and they all fell out and joined Peter and Sirius in the hall. Sirius nodded at James, assuring him that if anything went wrong, he would hex the hell out of everyone in the vicinity. When Snape alone remained in the compartment, James stepped in from the doorway and shut the door behind him.

Raising his wand hand, he flicked and swished muttering, "Silencio." Realizing that the privacy would get Snape to open up a tad bit more, James sat down opposite of Snape and coolly regarded him.

"James," Snape scowled.

"Severus," James responded, just as menacingly. "You know that even though I can't stand the sight of you, I have a deep respect for you and your talents… on some level."

"The feeling is mutual, although I won't even attempt to show a public display of affection for you, James."

"Severus, I think it's time that we had another one of our little 'chats.'"

Snape, sighing, questioned, "What is it about this time, Potter?" while making a grab for James's robes.

"Well, actually, there's a rumor circulating the train that you and my dearest flower are dating," James answered, throwing a purposefully ill-aimed punch at Snape.

"Oh! Nice punch! That would've hurt," Snape laughed.

"Thanks, but anyways, this rumor, does it have any merit whatsoever?"

Severus, at this point, kicked to the right of James's left leg so that it appeared that he had just crushed "the family jewels." James, catching the illusion, dropped animatedly to the ground and made a show of clutching his nether parts. He held up a hand to keep Sirius from barging into the compartment. "I HATE it when you do that one! It makes me look like such a pansy! Answer the question!" James said, raising his voice.

"Sorry. Beating you up is too much fun and way too easy!"

James, losing his patience, pinned Snape to the wall and yelled furiously, with a glint in his eyes, "LOOK, Snivellus, Lily is… In other words, you better not be playing at something. Tell me, NOW! What is going on?"

Snape, getting that this was no longer an amicable conversation, decided that it was time to get down to business. "Potter," he said, drawing his wand, "I would never, ever touch the likes of Lily Evans, Mudblood or not. If she's your type, she's all yours, but seeing as she'd never give you the time of day, smart girl that she is, I don't see why you're so riled up." Shooting theatrical red sparks at James, he inquired, "Is that all? Can we cut the crap and get on with our lives?"

Relieved that Snape wasn't dating Lily, he still couldn't get something off of his mind. "So, wait, why would Holly have told Peter that you were dating Lily if, in fact, as you claim, nothing could be farther from the truth?"

"Dearest James," Snape patronizingly mocked, "don't you see what's going on here? Obviously, your 'flower of virtue' doesn't reciprocate your misguided affections. Did you ever think that maybe she has her eye on someone else and merely wanted you to be distracted? Let us think for a moment, shall we? You are always at war with me, so what would easily distract James Potter, the famous Marauder? Let me help your miniscule brain out for a second. Holly decided to make me a diversionary tactic, and look how well that's working for her. What you need to do is get out of my bloody compartment and solve the mystery yourself," he finished with an almost pitying look.

Then, as if realizing that they'd been still too long, James dramatically bellowed, "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! Snivellus, remember, this time, it's my turn to perform the final act…" He winked at his immobile "frienemy" and opened the door quickly, releasing the largest handful of Dungbombs he could muster. "RUN!" he yelled to his comrades as he escaped the compartment. The three boys flew down the corridor and came to a halt when they believed that they were out of wand-shot.

Successive "BOOM! CRACK! POP!" sounds echoed out of Snape's compartment, followed by loud exclamations of, "EW! NASTY! LOOK AT THIS… THIS… CRAP!" Bursting out into raucous laughter, Sirius fell onto the floor, gripping his side, while James doubled over, leaning onto the door of the nearest compartment for support. Peter froze in horror, his eyes almost bugging out of his head.

James, having recovered from his bout of laughter, looked up and saw Peter's expression. "Oh come on! We're not going to get in trouble, so don't get your Saturday panties in a twist!" Peter simply pointed at the compartment door that James was leaning against. Confused, James slowly turned around only to have his face register the same shock and horror that had occupied Peter's countenance only moments earlier. His heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. There, on the other side of the compartment door, was Lily Evans, his lily, being passionately embraced by none other than Archy Hand. The irony of the situation was simply too much to handle. His face turned green and he began to exercise his gag-reflex.

However, before he could fully recover and react, Snape popped his head out of his compartment and contemptuously hollered, "What's wrong, Potter? Lily Evans got your tongue? Oh wait, that's right, Archy's got hers!" He beamed, winking at James. Overcome by rage and hatred for the man whom he had confided in only minutes ago, James raised his wand and shouted the first curse that came to mind, "LEVICORPUS!" Snape flew up high into the air, his feet gliding along the ceiling. James thoughtfully twirled Snape in the air a few times, giving him the fluid movement of a ballerina. After his anger had abated, he regarded Snape saying, "Snivellus, I gave you a chance, and look what you did to me. Take that, you slimy, greasy-haired bastard!" He dropped Snape with the last word of his rant. As he turned to walk away, Lily Evans thrust the door of her compartment open and glowered menacingly at James…


End file.
